Just a quick one today, folks. Sorry, I don't have time for foreplay right now, and frankly, the cuddling gave me a rash last time. You have GOT to shave your legs, dear reader, or wear wool stockings or something.
Mmmm. Wool stockings.
So, pasta and noodles only belong in Mediterranean or East Asian recipes, to be included with only ingredients from those regions. There are a few weird things like spaetzle and dumplings, but those are the exceptions that prove the rule. And if a culture never developed what professional chefs would call pasta, then you should never use their ingredients with a pasta dish. It just wouldn't be right.
*Terrible, frightening sounds of screaming and power tools. Ambulance sirens in the distance, which then abruptly, and unsettlingly, stop.*
Aha. Forgive me, that was my evil, purist twin. He's dead now. I killed him. I killed him with my hate.
Alright. This recipe is stupid easy, dirt cheap, and mad quick. Its not for the pasta purist, but then, this site isn't for any kind of purist at all, so fuck 'em. Here are your ingredients: some kind of wide, flat pasta - fettuccine, mafalde (square or rectangle-shaped), lasagnette (lasagna's cute, but easily-pissed-off, little sister), even some shaped pasta like farfalle (bowties) might work. If you can get wide rice noodles, that would be double-top-best. For this recipe's maiden voyage, I used wavy egg noodles, the kind that comes in a back and you can buy ten pounds of it with a wink and a smile. Get 'em boiling with a pot of well-salted water. Salt isn't necessary for most pasta dishes, and the taste of the saltwater is usually lost with any sauce that you put with the pasta, but in this case, I think it's important. Don't be shy with the salt, either, drop half a cup or more into the water. If you live near the ocean, just go out, steal some seawater, and use that. I mean, we can all use a little toxic chemicals in our system. It builds characters.
A quick note - put the salt into the water before it boils, DO NOT PUT IT IN WITH THE PASTA. Your water will turn into a foamy, angry mess that will do its best to kill you and your loved ones. It's like giving the water rabies, so let me put it this way: AVOID THE WRATH OF BOILING CUJO WATER.
Saltwater boiling? Good. Grab a skillet or fry-pan or something, nothing too huge cuz you're just not gonna need it, and it'll take longer to heat up than necessary. Put a tiny bit of oil in there, and keep the heat relatively low, far less than you'd need for making a stir-fry. Think scrambled eggs, here. Now, get out some chopped green chilies, about a handful. Now, I used a tiny can of chilies, and that worked perfectly - in fact, the preservative liquid helped distribute the heat more evenly. Fresh chilies will work just fine, though, in fact probably better, so if you got it, use it. Also get out some spinach, a big handful of it. When the skillet's ready, chuck your green stuff in, and keep it moving. Get that spinach wilted, and grin with terrible joy as they scream for you to stop. Don't - the spinach is trying to trick you, and it deserves its fate. When its wilted, grab about a thumb-sized amount of cream cheese - unsweetened only, please. The sweetness in cream cheese you'd use for confections will throw off the great spicy flavor you'll get from the chilies.
Your water should be boiling by now, so chuck in the pasta. Toss the cream cheese into the skillet, mush it down, and spread it around evenly. As soon, like, THE EXACT SECOND the cream cheese goes from a nugget to a puddle, get the chilies, spinach and cheese off the heat, and keep it stirring so it doesn't stick to the skillet. Watch the pasta, and as soon as its done, drain it, then throw it, and the skillet's contents, right back into the pot you boiled the pasta in, and mix it all up. Remember how you stirred like a motherfucker for the beer sauce? STIR LIKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER.
When the pasta is evenly coated (it won't be a thick coating - this is almost like glazing the pasta, with the chilies and spinach just sorta hanging around) get it into bowls, and crack some black pepper over it, if it's not spicy enough for ya yet. You can add cheese if you like, but I honestly don't think this needs it.
This whole recipe took me no longer than fifteen minutes, and the ingredients are cheaper than your Aunt Edna. You really have no excuse for not making this and serving it to everyone you know.
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