Salmon in Jack Sauce (also, the rage of the dejected)

Salmon is a pretty simple fish, and its quite tasty without doing anything more intensive than brushing it with some olive oil, throwing some sea salt and crushed garlic on it, and grilling or pan-frying it. Its pretty healthy, too, if you're bothered by that sort of thing. I'm not. I never exercise, I am borderline alcoholic, and when given the opportunity I will often sleep for 14 hours or more. I never use a condom.

Salmon is, for all its simple goodness, sometimes difficult to combine with other flavors. Salmon is a pretty oily fish (that oil is actually the part that's good for you, but that's not the point. As I've already stated, I care far less for nutrition than for flavor), and this gives it an incredibly strong, mouth-coating flavor. Salty, strong spices and veggies combine fairly well, but the only out-of-the-bottle sauce or glaze that I think really goes well with salmon is teryaki sauce.

So, how do you rein in a strong flavor and make it play nice with others? You bring in an evens bigger, stronger, and meaner flavor, and you make them fight. Or make them fuck, pick your metaphor. In this case, that flavor is whiskey - Jack Daniels Tennessee whiskey, to be precise. Now I'm not a huge Jack Daniels fan (you'll find out what whiskey I prefer in later posts, I'm sure) but I'll admit it has a wonderful scent, and it has just the right balance of strong flavor and not-terribly-expensive pricing - you would want to waste high-end whiskey on cooking, after all. That's for drinking. And crying. And throwing the empty glass into the fireplace, and yelling at the flames as they roar out and try to set your robe on fire. "Wasn't I good enough?! Wasn't I?! God damn you, what more could you want from me! I wore the fucking dress, didn't I?! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!!?"

Jack Daniels also has the advantage of combining nicely with the spices we'll be using for the sauce in this recipe - ground ginger and fennel seed. Now, if you want to use fresh, chopped ginger, be my guest, but honestly you'll be wasting fresh ginger - the ground ginger will combine with the oil and the whiskey much better, and act as a thickening agent besides. Leave the fucking fennel seeds alone, too - don't chop 'em, or soak 'em or do any goddamn thing to them. Just shoot 'em straight out of the tin, or envelope, or whatever else you store your spices in. Personally, I use the followed, cured and tanned kidneys of dead relatives. It keeps their memories alive.

Anyway, we're putting the snow plow before the drugged, terrified hooker here, so let's back up and start from the beginning.

Get your salmon together. Thaw it under cool water, brush it with a bit of olive oil, chuck some sesame seeds on it, and place it seeds-up in a baking dish. Now grab some mushrooms (canned will work, though fresh, chopped white shroomz would be quite lovely for this) and chuck 'em into the casserole or whatever you're using around the salmon. Pre-heat your oven for 400 or thereabouts (you know your oven better than I do) and when its ready, throw the salmon and shroomz in there, and set a timer for ten minutes. Now, that's a bit shorter than most people would have you cook salmon, but worry not, because we're gonna finish it up in the skillet. What skillet? Hold your goddamn horses, I'm getting there! Anyway, while the salmon is baking, its going to sweat out a lot of its water and oil, and the shroomz will be standing ready to soak up all that flavor. This is why I recommend fresh shroomz, because the stuff canned shroomz sit in for decades, waiting for the nuclear winter when they will be the only source of edible fungus on the planet, will already be coating them, and they won't absorb as nicely. Which is sad.

Now, get your skillet - it should be big enough to pan-fry your salmon and a little extra, besides. Drizzle in some olive oil, about an eighth of an inch thick (less if you've got a wide skillet), and set it to low-mid heat. When its getting hot (wave your hand over it - if the air is a bit warm and your kitchen is starting to smell like an Italian wedding party, it's good to go) pour in some ground ginger, fennel seeds, a few cracks of sea salt, and a shot glass worth each of Jack Daniels and 2% milk. Start stirring right away.

A word of warning - do not lean over and inhale to see how the sauce smells. The alcohol from the Jack Daniels will be evaporating, and if you try to breathe than in, it'll smell like that time you skinned your knee and your mom had to pour rubbing alcohol on it, but it hurt really bad and so she had to smack you around to get you to quit squirming, and to this day whenever she raises her hand, even just to give you a hug, you flinch a little bit because deep down, that was when you realized that mommy never really loved you and that, by giving birth to you, you'd destroyed all her dreams of traveling the world and meeting a man who'd really love her, so wait about three minutes before you try to take a whiff. You don't want to burn all the whiskey off, though, so after those three minutes, reduce the heat to its lowest setting, and just keep stirring so the sauce doesn't clump up. Give it a taste - it should taste salty, but with a sweet, smoky undertone. If you're not getting that, look around to make sure no one's looking, and then throw in a half-shot of Jack, and stir that in. There, that's better, ain't it?

OK, your salmon will be done pretty soon. Spend that time stirring and taking the occasional nip of Jack. If you think the sauce needs anything, add it now - a little parsley does alright, as well as maybe a touch of oregano, but juuuust a touch - don't overwhelm the Jack. The Jack will become angry, and drown you in your sleep. Its done it before, it'll do it again. When the timer goes off, pour the excess juice from the salmon out, careful not to lose any shroomz, and then transfer the fish and fungus to the skillet, fish skin facing up. Turn the heat back up, and get pan-frying. Potentially, you could start chopping up the salmon and turn it into more of a stir-fry, that's more or less up to you. The shroomz are gonna start doing something amazing - the oil they've been soaking up is going to attract all that ginger and fennel, and you'll have these glorious-looking spiced shroomz. Fry for about five minutes, then transfer the fish directly to plate(s). Pour the shroomz over it.

Take a bite once the fish has cooled down some - you'll have a wonderful combination of the fish's simple, honest but strong flavor, but it will have gone a little mad once you introduce it to the Jack and ginger, and it'll add a completely new dimension. The fennel will add a nice crunch, and that slight licorice thing that fennel has will enhance the sweetness of the sauce. The mushrooms will be divine. Make up some bread and simple veggies to go with it (don't be a pussy about letting the veggies wallow in the sauce for a while, either), and you've got a darn tasty meal, not to mention a way to use up some Jack. Besides, of course, the usual late-night fireplace screaming sessions.